I wrote about the acceptance of responsibility a while
back as part of an exercise to start listing the attributes that in my opinion
make someone a good role model.
Creating articles for this blog and making
contributions to some forums has involved a lot of research. Much of the
material that I have encountered recently is very disillusioning. I have seen
some horrific revelations about public figures.
These discoveries have inspired me to return
to the subject of role models and associated attributes. This article continues
the exercise with some ideas about bad role models and some attempts to define
the qualities that make a good role model.
Bad role models
Many people are presented by the media as
good examples to follow and emulate. We are given the message that we should
respect these people just because of their power and position and because they
are in the public eye.
Celebrities and socialites, some talentless
and lacking in achievements and with hedonistic, unwholesome or even degenerate
lifestyles, are marketed as examples of success in life and good role models.
After all, anyone who has millions of followers on social media must be doing
something right.
They are the in crowd and we are outsiders.
The suggestion is that we should admire them for their wealth, fame and glamour
and envy them for and attempt to copy their lifestyles.
We do not need to buy these lies and
exaggerations. It is possible to see through all the subtle and misleading
propaganda.
We do need to reverse some of the messages
that the media are giving us. In this upside-down, back-to-front world of ours,
the so-called best people are really often the worst. Those of us who do not
move in their circles are the lucky ones, not them. What we do is often more
worthwhile than what they do.
Many of these people do not bear close
inspection.
We need to look at the men behind the curtain
and not be tricked or intimidated by a glittering, powerful image. We need to know a false front when we see one.
We need to be able to determine the reality of the inner person.
Fame and fortune, power and success, are
often achieved at others’ expense by unpleasant and unscrupulous people. For
example, it may well be impossible to succeed as a politician and retain any
integrity. Some of them are responsible for huge amounts of suffering and
destroyed lives, often in the name of some ideology.
The realisation comes that creativity is
sometimes found in inverse proportion to being a well-functioning, decent human
being who can cope with real life. Creative people can destroy themselves and
the people around them.
We come to understand that some prominent people
may promote a cause not because they believe in it, but because it is a
fashionable bandwagon to jump on or the next big thing. Self-interest not
altruism is their motive for getting involved. The association brings them
publicity, attention and approval and perhaps the chance to make money.
We see that people may criticise bad
behaviour in others not because it is wrong, but because it hurts them or is
useful ammunition for attacking an enemy with. Hypocrisy and double standards
may mean that they themselves do the things that they condemn others for doing.
The people we are encouraged to admire, give
energy to and take as role models are sometimes decoys, sirens, Judas rams,
pied pipers who are set up to sabotage our lives, lead us from the light into
the darkness, lure us into traps and steer us to destruction.
Evaluating them and the effects that their
actions have on the world and other people in terms of good and evil, evolution
and devolution, constructive and destructive behaviour, good feelings and
suffering helps to break the spell.
Just looking at them helps too; their eyes
tell us what they are.
We may see them clearly and realise that they
are pawns and puppets, slaves, hostages and prisoners. The Sword of Damocles may
be hanging over them. Some of them may have even done deals with the devil.
Good role models
Once we realise what is going on below the
surface and behind the scenes and that many emperors have no clothes, we may
decide that positive personal qualities are just as important as achievements,
power, fame and fortune when determining what to look for in people.
So what qualities make a good role model?
Some of us may think, “How the hell should I
know?” For us, the right people were in
very short supply during our formative years and our world is not exactly full
of them now.
So what do we do? Reading and learning,
working everything out from first principles is one approach. A good way to get
started is to look at the bad role models in our lives. We may not know what to
do, but they sure as anything show us what not to do.
We can think about bad behaviour we have
experienced at the hands of others, decide which attributes were used and
reverse them. For example, if we knew someone who was habitually dishonourable
and disloyal and we suffered because of this, then we put honour and loyalty on
our list. Learning to value and develop the opposite, positive, qualities is
a very subtle form of revenge.
The starter list of good attributes and
qualities
Here are some of the qualities that I think
are worth appreciating in others and developing in oneself. I learned to value
them the hard way, by experiencing the opposite.
To my mind, good role models are people who:
•
Respect the truth
•
Respect the English language
•
Speak from the heart in
their own voices and their own words
•
Say what they mean and mean
what they say
•
Speak only for themselves
unless requested to speak on behalf of others
•
Think for themselves
•
Think before they act
•
Act from their real selves
•
Know right from wrong
•
Take responsibility where
appropriate and admit mistakes
•
Are objective and unbiassed
•
Do not take sides without
good reason
•
Make use of a devil’s
advocate when making decisions and taking positions
•
Understand the relationship
between cause and effect
•
Understand that they are
living with the consequences of what they have said and done in the past
•
Are aware of their motives,
assumptions, premises and goals
•
Are aware of the effect they
have on others
•
Continually grow and develop
•
Empower themselves and
others
•
Call no man master
•
Do not let others manipulate
them and do not manipulate others
•
Set their own limits and
boundaries
•
Have earned, in one way or
another, what they have
•
Have a public profile and
image that is an expression of their real selves
