There may not be a cult in the case, but some
people speak and behave in similar ways to cult members.
For example, I have recently encountered some
very familiar elements while engaged in a war with my local council:
Lying and hypocrisy, cover stories, tricking
people, treating people as if they were theirs to command, denying allegations,
dismissing complaints, ignoring people’s views and points they make, inviting
people to meetings under false pretences, harassing people, talking like
script-ridden robots, leaving people stranded ... I have seen it all before: same
game, different players!
It was devastating the first time around, but
the work I did afterwards has definitely helped me to cope better with the
current, potentially devastating, situation.
Understanding what I am up against and
knowing what to expect has helped me to stay on top of things and even get
ahead of the game.
How learning from the past can help us to deal
with the present
While trying to understand what was going on,
I learned many new and useful concepts, and I got a lot of practice in stating
my position, summarising my experiences and putting them into context. This has
been useful in contributing to our case for support and planning our strategy:
this time around, I am not dealing with everything on my own.
I have learned to research everything. This
helps to know what we are dealing with, not to mention uncovering information
that the enemy would rather we didn’t know!
I no longer trust people without good reason,
so there is little danger of disillusionment and feelings of betrayal this
time.
I have learned not to expect genuine
communication, just inferior substitutes such as avoidance of the essential
issues, spin, jargon, off-the-mark statements, slogans and propaganda.
I have learned not to let the enemy call the
shots. It is very important not to follow their scripts.
I have learned to detect dirty tricks and
nasty little games.
I do not take what is said at face value: I
have learned to look for ulterior motives and a hidden agenda. For example:
I know that when councils say that the big
projects they want to implement are intended to help people, the truth is that
higher profits for the council are the main goal. For the people who work for
the council, target-related bonuses and career advancement are their main
motives. Despite everything they may say, the project is being done for their
benefit not that of the people they are supposed to be serving.
I made a very big mistake last time around. For many years, I blamed myself for not being
able to get my ideas across to some cult members. I thought that I had not
given them enough information; I thought that I had not stated my position
clearly enough; I thought that they did not understand how I was feeling. I made huge efforts to fight my corner, and
it was all wasted. They didn’t want to know, or they knew very well and didn’t
care. I was up against a brick wall.
I learned from this experience. I realised
right from the start that it is the same with my local council. They know the
score very well, but are carrying on regardless. They don’t care what effect
their actions are having. They don’t listen.
I am not so easily fooled, manipulated or
intimidated these days, which is fortunate as there is a lot at stake at the
moment.
All the above is a by-product of my attempts
to clear up some of the unfinished business I had with cult members.
I found some independent confirmation of how
learning from painful experiences in the past can help people cope with
problems in the present in Daughter of Narcissus, by Lady Colin Campbell. She
said something to the effect that her
mother’s manipulative little games prepared her for dealing with similar people
later in her life, enemies and their lawyers for example.
History repeats itself
A recent incident has reminded me of two
things that happened many years ago. Some of the similarities are uncanny.
The first historic incident was a big walkout of
people who had been called to a gathering on false pretences. As soon as they
realised that it was actually for political propaganda purposes, they got up
and left. I was glad when I heard about this: I thought it served the
organisers right for lying!
The second happened a few months later, at a
very low point in my life. I was in a very bad state indeed at the time.
It was Christmas. Someone phoned to say that
she was coming round with something for me; I said that it was not a good time
and I was not able to see her. She repeated that she was coming to visit me, so
I just said, “Please don’t come. I’m too ill to see you.” and put the phone
down.
A while later she phoned to say that she was
on her way. I said that I couldn’t see her. I kept saying that until she
eventually rang off. I heard no more from her that day, but she complained to
other people that I had behaved badly towards her. One of them mentioned it to
me. I replied, “I did not ask her to come and visit me; I asked her not to
come. It is very bad manners to invite yourself to someone’s home and refuse to
listen when they say it is not a good time.”
I pointed out that if she still drove to my
area even though I had asked her not to visit me, it was her problem not mine.
Considering the state I was in, it was amazing that I could defend myself successfully
in that way. When I eventually received her present, it was just a small thing that
did not need a special delivery.
Incidentally, I realised later that this was
a good example of cult members thinking that non-members are theirs to command.
I was reminded of these incidents few weeks
ago when the council arranged a meeting with us with no prior consultation. We
asked for it to be cancelled, and for several good reasons. Some were
procedural, but the main one was that we were not interested in hearing about
some offers they were going to make.
They ignored our requests for cancellation
with supporting case; they bulldozed ahead and behaved as if we were theirs to
command, sending out some background paperwork that was irrelevant and of no
interest to us. They said they had some good news for us.
As the meeting was to be held close to where
we live, we decided to attend and tell them in person that we had no interest
in their presentation.
We found that, just like the present
mentioned above, the ‘good news’ was not much good to us and not worth making
all the arrangements and putting on the pressure for. At a pre-arranged signal,
we all got up and walked out. It was amusing to see their stupefaction!
I remembered my defence last time, and
refused to accept any blame when the bueaucrats played the emotional blackmail game. As
we said later when they complained about our behaviour, we did not ask for this
meeting to be held: we asked for it not to be held. If they went to the trouble
of arranging a presentation for nothing and had to make extra journeys, this
was their problem not ours. They should have listened to what we said and
respected our wishes.
Last time, it was just me and the issues were
personal and political; this time, I was one of a group of people and the
issues were bureaucratic and financial.
Last time, I felt harassed, persecuted even,
when the cult member ignored what I said and insisted on coming over; this time,
I wasn’t affected by the pressure to obey orders and come to the meeting.
Deciding on ways to show them that we are not
theirs to command was great fun.
I am sure that I will be re-cycling much more
of my hard-earned knowledge in the coming months.
