-Their friendship is conditional and may end
at any time
-Everything you have done for them may count
for nothing if you break any of their rules
-They may let you down and not return favours
-They may cut off contact and turn against or avoid you for what at first might
seem incomprehensible or trivial reasons
Once again I learned this from personal experience,
and once again I later found that many other people have had similar experiences.
Conditional friendship
You may think that you have a good
relationship with a cult member, but there are several factors that could cause
it to not be the kind of relationship that you thought it was. There is a good
chance that it will come to an abrupt end too.
The members may be hoping for financial or
other support, and they will cool off or even drop you when this is not
forthcoming or you are unwilling or unable to provide any more. They may be hoping to convert you, and will disappear when they realise that you are not going to join
them.
Even when it is sincere and there are no
ulterior motives, a relationship may start and continue only while and because you
believe everything they tell you about their organisation, beliefs and
practices, go along with everything and don’t rock the boat.
If you express doubts, ask awkward questions
or criticise their leader or the organisation, things will change. They may come
to see you as a threat.
However, you will not necessarily be
responsible for the ending of a relationship. All contact might suddenly end
because the cult members have been ordered to concentrate on their cause and
not spend any more time with outsiders. All relationships must be sacrificed.
It might also be that they have been ordered not to associate with you in
particular. They will not tell you this: they will say that they are too busy
to meet you, or find some pretext to stop seeing you.
Cult members can be devious and evasive. This
means that they will not tell you why they no longer want your company.
They will also not tell you about some of the
rules that they are compelled to live by.
Breaking some unwritten rules
I am speaking from experience when I say that if
you ask a cult member for a small favour and this contravenes one of their - sometimes petty and seemingly irrational - rules, they will not help you - even when doing so would benefit
them and their cause.
Whatever you may have done for a cult member
will count for nothing if you make waves or go against any of their practices.
If you ask the wrong questions or criticise the leader or the ideology, you
will become the enemy.
Both of these factors apply in this example from
my own experience:
I very much enjoyed spending time with a
woman and her two children many years ago. This was long before I knew what I
was dealing with. I had no idea that she was married to one of the top people
in the organisation she represented.
She
was very interested in talking about coincidences and other metaphysical things.
We had some great conversations and good times together, and she and her
children benefitted from my hospitality and goodwill in many ways. For example,
I took them to the cinema and to see London’s big Easter Parade. I described
how I found some books for her little boy in this article.
There were definitely some unseen influences
at work. There were many positive synchronicities in the case. I described one
of them in the story of the sultanas and the fox cub, where we exchanged
presents that were exactly what we had been silently wishing for, in this article.
They moved to the USA but we continued to
correspond for several years. Then I met her at a gathering in Italy. I hoped
that she would be able to give me news of someone I was interested in, and also
tell him about the coincidences and synchronicities. I didn’t realise that this
was breaking some rule.
The hospitality, the outings that had provided her
with a break from work and the oppressive atmosphere and given them all a good
time counted for nothing. A wall came up and I was no longer her friend,
although it took a while before I realised this.
She was evasive; she strung me along and
didn’t tell me that she was not going to look after my interests or make any arrangements
for me. I later travelled to Washington, and she was ‘too busy’ to return any
of my hospitality or even speak to me.
I phoned her a few times but sensed that she
didn’t want to hear from me.
It all ended when I got access to the
Internet and made some alarming discoveries.
I wrote a letter in which I made some mildly
critical comments and asked for an explanation of some of the allegations I had
read. My restraint was admirable considering the circumstances. I received no
reply, and my next letter was returned ‘Not known at this address’. She is
actually still living there - I found this information online.
What makes it particularly painful is that I
don’t meet people on my wavelength very often, and she and the man I was
interested in, who behaved in a similar way towards me, were my kind. I think
that people like us should stick together and help each other.
I tell myself that it is their loss as much
as mine, but I still feel very unhappy when I think about this affair.
