Stella Benson's diaries

I came across this quotation from L. M. Montgomery recently:

“Only lonely people keep diaries.”

She kept a diary from the age of nine, and this is where she wrote the above words. I think that they are probably true in some cases but definitely not in all.

Sometimes diaries are kept primarily for record keeping purposes, to be used for reference in the future if necessary. Isaac Asimov for example kept detailed but mainly factual diaries for much of his life.

Journalling is a possible outlet for creative people who must write. It provides a way of exercising writing skills and keeping them honed; it keeps the channel of inspiration open.

The quotation made me think of Stella Benson, who kept a diary from the age of ten until shortly before she died. It is certainly applicable to her. In Stella’s own words:

“To set down a record of my contact with people...is most necessary to me. Because my most continuous sensation is a feeling of terrifying slipping-away from people - a most devastating loneliness - I have to place on record the fact that I was human and that even I had my human adventures.”

Stella Benson, two men, and great disillusionment

Strindberg’s ignoring of his initial feelings of mistrust when he met the mystery man who became his ‘former American friend’ has reminded me of what I read about the negative feelings on both sides when the novelist Stella Benson first met the man who was to become her husband.

Reading about various people who fell for a false image and let wishful thinking and other factors distort their perceptions has reminded me of the man who at first made a very positive impression on Stella Benson, only for her to be devastated when she learned that he was not only greatly inferior to but in some ways the exact opposite of what she thought he was.

It is the points, issues and patterns rather than the people that are of interest here; the underlying scenarios, unseen influences and connections are more important than the details.

The information comes from Joy Grant’s biography, which is based on Stella Benson’s letters and diaries.

The first meeting

Stella and her future husband reacted much the same way when they first saw each other. They had premonitions, and not good ones. She didn’t want to go anywhere he was going, and the feeling was mutual: he couldn’t get away fast enough!

They came to revise their opinions of each other, but it might have been better for both of them if they had not ignored their initial misgivings.

Stella Benson’s marriage

Stella Benson, like Stella Gibbons, married a man who was younger than she was. The age gap was five years in Stella Gibbon’s case, but Stella Benson’s husband was only 18 months her junior.

In both cases, the husband’s family was not impressed; the Stellas failed to pass muster in their eyes.

More about Stella Benson’s travel nightmares

The novelist Stella Benson travelled the world. She saw some beautiful buildings and scenery, she gained a variety of new experiences and she met some interesting people. Travelling provided her with plenty of good material for her writing, but she paid a high price in suffering, discomfort and danger.

She turned some of her bad travel experiences into good stories and treated them lightly, presenting them in her articles as amusing and interesting adventures, evidence that she was doing something exciting with her life, rather than as the ordeals and nightmares that many of the incidents undoubtedly were.

This article contains a few more examples of her experiences and some thoughts about the issues that the accounts of her journeys raise. I wonder why she would put herself through so much; I also wonder how much of it she did in the right spirit, as opposed to just going through the motions. I wonder whether she thought that it was all worth it. 

In Stella Benson’s own words

“Nobody but a true fool tries to cross the United States in a Ford car in the middle of winter."

“Also we had another loss. Money in an inner coat pocket is safe enough in circumstances that permit a man to stand dry and upright as his Maker intended him to stand. But tip that man in and out of a Ford foundering in floods, load him with wet kit-bags, bend him like a hairpin, bereave him of hope and dignity—and where is that money at the end of the day? Where indeed is it? We had nothing now but a few dollars, which I found, sodden, in my breeches pocket.“

“Arriving that evening at a small cheerless hamlet, cold, soaked and exhausted, we were given a room full of holes, through which the draughts whistled... We were soaked, shivering, and sad.“

Stella Benson and the sponging Russian count

Stella Benson’s life and works are inspiring many articles, and still the end is nowhere near in sight.

This article is about her involvement with a sponging expatriate Russian count; it involves a familiar personality type and associated scripted scenario.

Stella Benson generously helped this poor old man and made great efforts on his behalf, only to be met with insults, lies, delusions and ingratitude followed by yet more demands and hard-luck stories.

Stella Benson meets Count Nicolas

Stella Benson first met the frail, pathetic, penniless old man who called himself Count Nicolas de Toulouse Lautrec De Savine in April 1931. He was in a free bed in a charity hospital in Hong Kong at the time.

She felt very sorry for him even though he immediately started lying to her. He may have been confused and delusional rather that deliberately deceitful though. He told her that he had no money at all, then some fell out of his pocket. He showed her a picture of someone he said was a princess who had been crazy about him - it was an advertisement!

Stella Benson helps Count Nicolas

Count Nicolas was a mess of a person. Stella saw him as a free spirit broken by adversity. She decided to transcribe some of his ‘memoirs’ in the hope of selling them and getting some money for him.

She started to produce a book that consisted of both his reminiscences - or fantasies - and her commentaries on them. It was later published as Pull Devil, Pull Baker (1933). She gave him a very generous advance payment, but after Count Nicolas moved on he started sending her very frequent begging letters.

Then he appeared on her doorstep, ill and destitute. She gave the ‘silly old cadger’ some more money.

Stella Benson and some travel nightmares

In addition to being a novelist, Stella Benson was a travel writer.

Despite her poor health, she took on many challenging journeys. She wrote articles about her travels and later compiled them into books. She also logged everything in her diaries. These records give many examples of the dangers and difficulties that she met and the risks that she took while on the road.

There is one particular episode that looks like a nightmare scenario to me. It has some familiar elements.

The walking tour nightmare

While Stella Benson was exploring the US in 1918, a new female friend in New England proposed a walking tour.

The final leg involved walking 18 miles through the night to catch a train at 05:30.

They left very little margin for error, which was a big mistake. They got lost and went several miles out of their way; it took a while to find someone to put them back on the right road. At 4:00 am they still had six miles or so to go. The backwoods people were infuriatingly unhelpful: no one would give them a lift.

They had only 15 minutes left when they met a man in a milk cart. They offered him money to turn round and take them to the station; after pondering for a while, he refused. Then they met a man in an empty car and waved and shouted. He slowed down a little then laughed, told them to get off the road and drove on.

When they were one mile from the station, they heard the puffing of the train and saw smoke; they gave up, assuming that they were too late. They walked slowly towards the station, feeling awful because after all their efforts they had missed their train.

When they were within 100 yards of the station, they noticed that the train had backed in again. They made one last, desperate, torturing effort, running as never before, and reached the platform only to see the back of the train disappear round the bend.

“Defeated and robbed of pride we threw ourselves on our backs in mid-platform.”

Stella Benson and the nightmare scenario

Joy Grant’s biography of Stella Benson makes her life seem like one long nightmare scenario!

Stella’s deafness, depression, chronic poor health and frequent medical emergencies made much of her life a misery. 

Many of even her worst experiences would not seem so bad to strong, healthy, ‘real’ people with plenty of resources; other ordeals - the Zeppelin bombing raids on London during World War I for example - are not very relevant because she did not experience them as an individual: they were simultaneously endured by many other people. However, one or two very painful episodes in her life stand out; they are of particular interest because of some familiar elements.  

This article features a minor incident that affected her very badly.

The release of Sylvia Pankhurst

By the spring of 1914, Stella Benson had started a new life of independence. She came to live in London. She found work and became involved with the cause of women’s suffrage.

This led to an assignment that turned into a nightmare for her. Acting on instructions previously given, she went to Holloway Prison early one morning to witness the release of leading suffragette Sylvia Pankhurst.

From her diary:

“The policemen laughed at me, and pointed me out to their friends, the wardresses came out to shriek with laughter too. I got fainter and fainter...at last I began actually collapsing on the doorstep of a sort of church. The police, thinking it was a ruse, were more and more amused. I felt I should never see a friendly face again.”

Stella Benson cried and cried when she got back to her boarding house, fearing that she might not be strong enough for the life she hoped to lead.

On top of all the horrors she had endured, she was distressed to learn that Miss Pankhurst had been released the night before and her suffragette society had not bothered to let her know.

Stella Benson wasn’t human: she had the soul of a snake

The feeling of being very different on the inside from those around them is very common among certain types of people. Some of them even believe that they are not really human: they are aliens who don’t belong in this world.

These ideas come from many independent sources. As I have just learned from reading her novel Living Alone (1919) and her biography by Joy Grant, the writer Stella Benson is one example. 

From an early age she felt very different from other girls; she also had a conviction that she wasn’t a real person; she wasn’t human. A future article about her may go into this in more detail.

In the meantime, there is something that is worth highlighting: she went one step further and confided to her diary that she had a ‘snake-soul’.