Being positive can occasionally backfire

I have learned from experience that our inner state often determines our experiences, so we can definitely change our lives for the better on the outside by first changing ourselves for the better on the inside.

I have given examples of how we can be our own worst enemies; I have also stated that distress signals can attract predators.

We benefit from being calm and positive; good feelings often boost our immune systems and act as a protection - except when it all backfires, as happened to me recently although in a very small way.

I went to collect something that I had ordered and paid for online. I had visited this store many times in the past, and always found the service fast and good, even at Christmas.

On this occasion, I stood at the collection desk and waited and waited for someone to come. I got the impression that I was being overlooked deliberately.  I could see that the place was busy. Many people were waiting to order and pay at the other desks; I guessed that taking more money takes priority over dealing with people who have already paid.

I reminded myself that it was warm inside and that I was not in a hurry. I knew it was important not to sound angry or self-pitying, so when someone eventually came to help, instead of saying anything about being ignored I just said calmly and pleasantly that I had been wondering whether I had gone invisible as no one had come for a long time.

The assistant, a young man, immediately said, “That’s because you look so contented”!

I was stunned, but it made sense. They probably learn to recognise the sort of people who will get angry and make scenes or go online and post complaints and bad reviews.

I have learned to save it for the big one and not get upset by minor inconveniences; I was pleased to get such positive feedback for my attempts to improve my inner state.

Unseen influences: are we sometimes our own worst enemies?

A very recent, very positive experience has inspired me to write an article about transforming our lives by transforming ourselves. In other words, we can change our lives for the better on the outside by changing ourselves for the better on the inside.

Circumstances over which I had no control brought me into contact with a random selection of ordinary members of the public, complete strangers with whom I needed to work closely for several days. 

Everyone in the group I was assigned to was healthy, stable, civilised, intelligent, articulate and very pleasant to work with. 

Everyone took the project seriously and made a useful contribution. They all made good points, sensible suggestions and insightful remarks. They all had open minds and balanced viewpoints.

There were no energy vampires and no negative people. There was no one who was out of touch with reality; there was no one who was irrational, obsessed with something, uncooperative, obnoxious or inflexible;  no one  lowered the tone of the discussions; no one dragged everyone down.

These people had not been assessed or pre-selected in any way: it was just ‘chance’ that brought us all together, and made an experience that I had been dreading into one that I actually enjoyed and benefitted from.

I have heard very different reports from people who have been involved in similar exercises. Is it really just chance and the luck of the draw that determine whether we have good or bad experiences, or are other factors involved? Are unseen influences at work?