There
are some lessons to be learned from the financially successful but
personally sad life of best-selling Victorian novelist Marie Corelli.
One
of these lessons is about taking responsibility where appropriate, as
opposed to blaming someone else. It particularly involves learning to
be a good judge of character and not being influenced by factors such
as self-interest, self-deception and wishful thinking - as opposed to
blaming the other party for not being what we thought they were or
wanted them to be.
Blaming
people for deceiving us and letting us down seems to be the default.
We need to learn to look after our side of things; we need to learn
from experience what to look for in people. In particular, we need to
learn to recognise warning signals.
This
extract from Marie Corelli's book The Silver Domino shows that she
knew, in theory at least, that people should take responsibility and
blame themselves for their own poor judgement when they feel that
they have been deceived by someone:
"Remember
that if you do persuade yourself into thinking that I am a Somebody,
and if I turn out after all to be a Nobody, it is not my fault. Don't
blame me, blame your own self deception."
This
is admirable; it is spot on. However, she talked a better game than
she played; she didn't apply her wise words to herself. The Silver
Domino was published in 1892; here is an extract from The Young
Diana, first published in 1918:
"I
asked for love – now I ask for vengeance. I gave all my heart and
soul to a man whose only god was Self, and I got nothing back…So I
have a long score to settle, and I shall try to have some of my spent
joys returned to me – with heavy interest."
This
is Marie Corelli speaking for herself, and from bitter experience.
She was raging at a man she had been infatuated with, because she
felt that he had deceived her; he was not what she thought he was and
wanted him to be. She had become disappointed and disillusioned. The
expression 'Hell hath no greater fury than a women scorned' very much
applies in her case.
