The previous article described in general terms the cutting of personal connections by cult members.
This specific example, which speaks for itself, comes from an ex-member of a religious cult:
“When my sister got married I was not allowed to go to the wedding. My biological family did not matter anymore; it was all merged into a greater unity. Secretly I thought it was terrible not to be able to attend the wedding. I found out later that my sister had also been deeply wounded by my absence.
It was even worse when my grandmother died. On her deathbed, she had specially asked for me. But Lella, who was to bring me there, delayed everything so long that, when we eventually reached the hospital, my grandmother had already passed away. Other family members had been there on time—only I was too late. I felt an intense anger and pain inside. But I immediately knew to put a smile on my face, because my feelings did not matter. I knew that, didn’t I?”
'Lella' obviously delayed everything deliberately. Subtle sabotage and undermining are common practices in cults.
I said this on the old forum:
“It is a very sad subject. The members who cut connections with their families might have a terrible awakening one day when they realise how much suffering they have caused and that it was all for nothing.”
I might add that it is just as excruciatingly painful when they realise how much of the suffering that they have endured was all for nothing.
The cult discussion on the old forum was started by someone who was upset when her cult-member friend would not come to her wedding.
She said, “All manner of evil is excused if it is 'for the cause'”, which is very similar to what the Russian political thinker Alexander Herzen said.
I replied:
“Absolutely spot on. The belief that the end justifies the means is very common in cults – but they won't usually say this openly. Cheating, lying, cruelty etc. are justified if they are done in the name of the cause.”
I went on to give an example of such cruelty:
“Yes, family and other relationships must be sacrificed. Someone I thought was an exceptionally nice man cut off contact with his wife and child when he was ordered to. She begged the leaders to at least let his little girl speak to him on the phone, but they refused.”
I said this about such enforced cutting of family ties:
“What used to baffle me was that many of these actions actually damaged the cause. For example, the wife was very well connected and knew influential people. Why alienate someone like that?”
Why indeed! Ideology often takes precedence over efficiency and effectiveness in these organisations, but there may be more to it than that.
There is more to come about all this.
