The previous article gives examples of members of cult-like organisations who were ordered to cut their personal connections so that they could dedicate themselves to the cause. There is another angle to broken relationships between members and non-members: sometimes it is the non-members who cut the ties. They may feel that enough is enough when it comes to being treated badly; they may do it to protect themselves.
From another old post of mine:
“There is another side to this. It could be that it is the family and friends who do the avoiding – or dropping. They may come to hate the pressure to accept the ideology, the recruitment attempts, the lectures and the preaching; they may get tired of being pestered for money while at the same time being told how inferior they are. There may be nothing in in for them.”
They may also not appreciate being frequently stood up or let down by unreliable people: cult members are not their own bosses and are often given errands or sent away somewhere with little notice.
Someone who has been involved with a cult member may come to understand that they have been cheated, lied to and made a fool of: misrepresentation is common cult practice.
They may feel resentful when they realise that they have been exploited and angry when they discover that they have been tricked and used. For example, they may have been invited somewhere under false pretences just to get the numbers up and make it look as though there are many supporters.
The cult members know very well that people wouldn't go if they knew the true purpose of and ulterior motive behind an invitation, so they bait the hook with something attractive.
I remember an occasion when people were lured to a venue by the prospect of hearing good music; they got political speeches instead! Some of them got up and walked out in disgust.
Just as some members decide to leave a cult after a last straw moment, some people decide to stop seeing their member friends after experiencing the final straw.
Luring people somewhere under false pretences is common cult practice. They even do it to their own members.
I know from experience that cults can play this game once too often. Some victims see it as the last straw; they decide that they have had enough of the contingent expense, inconvenience, disappointment and disillusionment.
I went to a gathering because I had been assured that a person I particularly wanted to see would be there, only to find that I had been deliberately lied to yet again by a member I thought of as a friend. The long journey was a complete waste of time, money and energy. That was the last gathering I ever went to.
Here is what an ex-member of a religious cult had to say about a relatively mild case of deception that affected both her and her friends:
“After a few years, I could not ignore lots of incidents which unsettled me. One of the main ones was there was an emphasis on recruiting others and raising money all the time.
The final straw was when I organised a group of my friends who knew little about the movement to come to my home to find out more about it. A member came to my house and just spoke about money and whether they would sign up in a sacrificial giving program to benefit the movement. I could see that she had been told to do this and was embarrassed. I was so very embarrassed also. I felt it was so impolite to ask these guests of mine for money. I was ashamed.“
This sounds rather like a typical Multi-Level Marketing event!
Some of those friends probably avoided her after that, at least until she left the movement.
It is also relevant that many cult members are, to put it mildly, not very good company. I said this:
“Some representatives are remote and spaced out; some are overeager, over friendly and intrusive; some are obsessed with something; some appear downtrodden, browbeaten and miserable; some are triumphant, arrogant and malicious.”
And some are so robotic, so restricted in what they say and do by the ideology, that dealing with them is a pain; it may be impossible to hold a normal conversation with them.
It may be obvious to outsiders that some cult members are not in their right minds and that they hold ridiculous beliefs, but they are too in it to see it and won't listen to reason. Some of the people in their circle might decide to give up on them when it becomes obvious that no one is benefitting from the relationship. They might also come to feel unsafe in the company of the members.
Just as one drop of hot water won't last long if dropped into a bucket of cold water, so may a non-member change for the worse by a kind of osmosis if they spend too much time with cult members. They may even be expected to obey orders too.
Yet another of my posts from the old forum:
“If you spend too much time with members, you may be affected and start seeing things the way they do – David Icke calls this 'resonance'.
Members may come to look on you as one of their their own and feel entitled to impose their rules on you and punish you for disobeying. I have had experience of this.”
They may make arrangements involving you without consulting you first and expect you to drop everything on demand and take on something or go somewhere at very short notice. They may add insult to injury by becoming offended if you say no.
So there are several good reasons why it might be unwise to associate with cult members and why some people decide to end any relationship they may have with them.
Cutting connections from whichever side can cause problems and create dilemmas for whoever does it. There is more to come about this.
Too in it to see it:
