Leaving a cult - much easier said than done

“Why don’t they just leave when they find out what they have got into?”

It is much easier to ask why people don’t just leave when they learn what happens behind the scenes in a cult or cult-like organisation than it is to find acceptable and comprehensible answers. It is not easy for outsiders to understand the external pressures and techniques and internal thought processes that keep people inside.

The best sources of answers and explanations are ex-members. They are the ones with the excruciatingly painful personal experience of cult life, and some of them may be able to explain what was going on in their minds and in their lives in terms that ‘civilians’ can understand.

The deeper in that people go, the worse life often gets but the harder it is for them to get out. I am not talking about people on the fringes and in the outer circles who may wander in then drift away or drop out: I am talking about long-term, hard-core members.

I am also mainly talking about people who might think about leaving, not those few who genuinely feel at home in their organisation or the large number of unfortunates who have lost all sense of self and self-preservation.

People are discouraged and prevented from leaving

The message given, overtly or covertly, to many cult members is, “Don’t you dare leave, you traitor. It will be much the worse for you if you do!”

Cults make it difficult for members to leave in as many practical, guilt and fear-based and emotional blackmailing ways as possible. They use manipulation,  intimidation and coercion to keep dissenting members in line.

Life after leaving a cult: predictable paths people take

There is a lot of information available about cults, cult-like organisations, cult leaders and cult members and ex-members. I compiled some ideas and information myself from personal experience, ideas for which my researches found much independent confirmation. 

I made posts on a forum that no longer exists. I want to overhaul the material and put a few extracts on here, in the hope that they will be of use to someone.

I will start at the end, with a short account of what I know about people who have left one of these sinister organisations.

Groups most cult leavers fall into

Many people who leave a cult just want to recover and get on with whatever lives they can make for themselves, perhaps after telling their stories to a few people.

A few high-profile people may expose the practices and describe their experiences mainly for the money, attention and publicity. I am thinking of celebrity ex-members of organisations such as Scientology here. One of them has a TV show.

Then there are those who go into the mechanics of cult leadership and operation in great detail. They take action on an intellectual level. They do a lot of reading and research and consult a variety of sources. They want to understand what forces were at work, mainly for their own benefit. They may also hope to educate others and deter them from joining; some write very helpful books and articles. This is possibly the best option, but not everyone has the necessary resources.

Most ex-members will think that they are lucky to be out of it, but a few may feel lost and miserable and blame themselves for not being able to meet the (unrealistic) requirements and (outrageous) demands. They feel that they failed to make the grade. They feel inferior, not good enough for the elite organisation. They have let the leader and the cause down.

They have been expelled from Paradise and the gates locked behind them. They may be unable to cut their losses and move on with their lives, even when they have support, options and opportunities. They may feel even worse than they did when inside. They may be very depressed and just give up on life. Someone once explained all this to me when I asked about people who had left, but not spoken out against, a cult.

L. Ron Hubbard and Charles Fort: a problem in common

I have noticed that not only do some people not get what they wanted, hoped for or expected, but they may also get exactly what they didn’t want.

One example is when people who want a specific type of audience, follower or reader attract exactly the wrong sort of person.

By coincidence, I came across two examples of this phenomenon just a few hours apart, while I was looking into something else.

I read this about L. Ron Hubbard:

“Hubbard wanted to attract explorers and men of the world. Instead, he ended up with science fiction fans.”

I read this about Charles Fort:

“Fort’s horizons were boundless and in his day he lamented that ‘the majority of people attracted are the ones we don’t want; Spiritualists, Fundamentalists’.”

Very amusing, and rather sad.

It reminds me of an army recruitment centre I often passed; their window display attracted the attention of lots of children and old ladies, but I never saw any young men looking at it!

Benjamin Disraeli: Imperium Et Libertas, death and primroses

Benjamin Disraeli died on April 19th, 1881.

Protocol did not permit Queen Victoria to attend his funeral, but she sent two wreaths of primroses with a simple message attached: “His favourite flowers.”

She used to dispatch many bunches of primroses from Osborne House, her holiday home on the Isle of Wight, to Disraeli, for which he always thanked her effusively. Perhaps he was just being polite; perhaps he really did like primroses more than any other flower.

Queen Victoria sent primroses to Disraeli’s grave at his home in High Wycombe on each anniversary of his death until 1901, when she herself died.

Some people allege that by ‘his’, Queen Victoria meant Prince Albert’s!

Either way, because of what she wrote and sent, primroses became associated with Disraeli’s name and were featured in two legacies, Primrose Day and The Primrose League.

Primrose Day

On the first anniversary of Disraeli’s death, many people in London wore primroses in their hats and buttonholes as a tribute to the great statesman who had done so much for his country and the British Empire.

This established a tradition; for decades to come April 19th was Primrose Day, which became an unofficial national holiday until the First World War.

On the day, people made pilgrimages to Disraeli’s grave and to his statue near the Parliament that was his Mecca.

As late as 1916, Pathé News filmed the laying of a wreath of primroses at Disraeli’s statue outside the Palace of Westminster.

No other Prime Minister’s death has been honoured in this way.

Arthur Conan Doyle’s witch Helen Penclosa: Part I

While doing some research for an article about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s life in Southsea, I discovered that he had written a short novel about occult forces called The Parasite:

“…his dark tale of an evil woman possessed of such hypnotic powers that she is able to induce by remote control not only murder, but passionate love as well, in the mind of her chosen victim.”

From  A Study in Southsea: The Unrevealed Life of Doctor Arthur Conan Doyle by Geoffrey Stavert.

Stavert’s summary made the story sound very interesting indeed: I immediately thought of psychic crime and psychological black magic.

I found The Parasite on Project Gutenberg. The novella, which was first published in 1894, is only four chapters long; the plot is simple and there are only a handful of characters. The language is rather old-fashioned and melodramatic and the story a bit contrived, but I found The Parasite worth reading as a source of inspiration for an article or two. It contains some very familiar elements and provides yet more independent confirmation of some of my ideas.

The characters in summary

The two main characters are Miss Helen Penclosa, the evil woman, and Austin Gilroy, the chosen victim.

Miss Penclosa, who possesses strong hypnotic powers and can project herself into people’s bodies and take command of them, is middle-aged. She is small and frail; she has a pale, peaky face and light brown hair; she has a crippled leg. Her strange, grey-green eyes are both furtive and fierce. 

She is silent and colourless, retiring and lacking presence, except when she talks about and exercises her powers. She is unscrupulous; she has no ethical sense at all; she is evil. Conan Doyle calls her a parasite and a devil woman; I would call her an energy vampire and a witch.

Austin Gilroy is a professor, although he is only 34 years old. Physiology is his field. He is interested only in the material world, and has trained himself to deal only with facts, truth, logic and proof. Yet while he operates on pure reason, he is aware of his real self:

“…by nature I am, unless I deceive myself, a highly psychic man. I was a nervous, sensitive boy, a dreamer, a somnambulist, full of impressions and intuitions. My black hair, my dark eyes, my thin, olive face, my tapering fingers, are all characteristic of my real temperament…”

Popcorn time and popcorn timing

I really liked the expression 'popcorn time' when I heard it for the first time a few years ago. It is a spectator sport alert, a neat and clever way of telling people to get ready because an amusing show is about to start.

I have seen it used a lot recently, and this has reminded me of a popcorn-related incident from the past.

It all started when I took some young children to a shopping centre to see the Christmas attractions. There was a popcorn-making machine there that fascinated my young friends. The popcorn danced on a jet of air; they watched this for a long time.

It was obvious that they wanted me to buy them some popcorn, but a small paper cup cost a small fortune and the popcorn didn't even look very good. As a matter of principle, I won't pay exorbitant prices for low-quality products.

The youngest girl cried and I felt guilty. I remembered getting some really good popcorn from Marks & Spencer a while back, so I promised them that I would bring some with me the next time I came to see them. 

I went to one branch of M & S but couldn't find the popcorn I wanted, which was one big bag with eight small individual bags of Butterkist inside, delicious and ideal for distributing to children. I went to another branch and looked everywhere. I remembered to check the sweet stands near the tills, but the popcorn I wanted wasn't there.

I decided that M & S must have played their usual game of bringing out something edible that people like very much then discontinuing the product. 

King Charles II and synchronicity

I have been doing some research into the English Civil War, the Commonwealth and the Restoration.

I was looking for examples of the swing of the pendulum from one extreme to the other and the way that some people reject one way of life only to adopt one that is equally bad and damaging.

Reading about the Restoration reminded me of a time when I read a lot of historical novels, many of which featured the Merry Monarch King Charles II. He seemed very glamorous to me and much more interesting than most of England's kings. I was impressed by his involvement with the Royal Society and his patronage of Sir Christopher Wren.

I decided to refresh my memory about his life and reign when I got the chance, in the light of all the things I had learned since I read about him when I was just a schoolgirl.

I took some time out to go and meet a former colleague. She put a book into my hands; she said that when she told her husband she would be seeing me, he took a book from his bookcase and said, “Give her this.” 

The book was about the life and times of King Charles II!

No one knew that Charles II was very much on my mind. I have only met her husband once, a few years ago, yet somehow he sensed what I was thinking about.

Perhaps it was just a coincidence, but the universe often ensures that I get the books I want. I just wish that this would work for other things...