There is a lot of information available about
cults, cult-like organisations, cult leaders and cult members and ex-members. I
compiled some ideas and information myself from personal experience, experience
for which my researches found much independent confirmation.
I made posts on a
forum that no longer exists. I want to overhaul the material and put a few
extracts on here, in the hope that they will be of use to someone.
I will start at the end, with a short account
of what I know about people who have left one of these sinister organisations.
Groups most cult leavers fall into
Many people who leave a cult just want to recover
and get on with whatever lives they can make for themselves, perhaps after
telling their stories to a few people.
A few high-profile people may expose the
practices and describe their experiences mainly for the money, attention and
publicity. I am thinking of celebrity ex-members of organisations such as
Scientology here. One of them has a TV show.
Then there are those who go into the
mechanics of cult leadership and operation in great detail. They take action on
an intellectual level. They do a lot of reading and research and consult a
variety of sources. They want to understand what forces were at work, mainly
for their own benefit. They may also hope to educate others and deter them from
joining; some write very helpful books and articles. This is possibly the best
option, but not everyone has the necessary resources.
Most ex-members will think that they are
lucky to be out of it, but a few may feel lost and miserable and blame
themselves for not being able to meet the (unrealistic) requirements and
(outrageous) demands. They feel that they failed to make the grade. They feel
inferior, not good enough for the elite organisation. They have let the leader
and the cause down.
They have been expelled from Paradise and the
gates locked behind them. They may be unable to cut their losses and move on
with their lives, even when they have support, options and opportunities. They
may feel even worse than they did when inside. They may be very depressed and
just give up on life. Someone once explained all this to me when I asked about
people who had left, but not spoken out against, a cult.
At the other extreme, we have people who want
revenge more than anything else. They
may well have many legitimate grievances. They become very angry indeed when
they put their experiences into the context of cults and come to understand
that standard techniques were used on them. They realise that it was all just
what cult leaders say and what they do; it was all a scripted scenario. They
are outraged when they realise that they have been cheated and lied to and made
a fool of and that all their suffering and sacrifices were for nothing.
Speaking out and exposing the cult and its
leaders is top priority.
They may even, deliberately and knowingly, join a
similar organisation, one that is working against their old outfit, one that
they have always seen as the enemy. They may be recruited or they may do it of
their own volition; either way it hits their old leader where it hurts most. I
can’t blame them for this - they may not have been left with many options and
they may not be able to think clearly.
The old organisation will automatically
accuse these traitors of all sorts of things and try to discredit them, but the
defectors may be past caring. I have met a few of these people, and in some
ways they stay the same, only on the opposing side. They may reveal what was going on in a spirit
of vindictiveness, but they are still a good source of information. For them,
it is less a case of what is wrong in the abstract than of what can be used as
ammunition against their former leader.
The dangers of getting caught again
From a former member of a religious cult:
“...this is the only thing I can be truly and
deeply grateful to ... (the founder) for: she has been my vaccine.”
If the author is suggesting that having been
a member of a cult is in itself enough to immunise someone against being drawn
in again, she is very wrong.
It is advisable to learn as much about cult
recruitment processes as possible. Some people who try to put it all behind
them and just get on with their lives may be at risk of being drawn into
another cult, often one very different on the surface. For example, people who
escape from a very rigid Catholic cult may find a group of liberal New Agers very
attractive – for a while.
If people are desperately looking for
something, they may try elsewhere if one source has gone sour. Unfortunately,
the judgement of people who have been in a cult may be impaired. They may not
be in a good enough state to evaluate people and organisations objectively and
realistically.
Unfinished business often magnetises more of
the same. People who have left a cult may be easy marks. They may attract
victimisers who press their buttons and take advantage of them. They may even
be targeted by the former members who have taken revenge by joining the other side.
Life on the outside
It is best to find a support network of
ex-members if possible, and try to balance dealing with life in the present
with coming to terms with the past.
For most cult leavers there will be no
justice and no compensation. Speaking out may be all that they can do, and
there may be serious consequences for this. They may live in fear of
retribution at the hands of their former colleagues.
They will probably never be what they could
have been and never have the life that they could have had.
They may be seriously wounded on the inside.
One woman told me that she cried for three years after leaving.
Life on the outside may be even harder for
them than life inside was.
They may never completely adjust to a different
lifestyle among normal people, who can never understand what they have been
through.
No wonder some cult members prefer the devil they
know.
