Dealing with cult members: some warnings

There are some crucially important points to keep in mind when dealing with cult members. Here are two of these points:

- They will lie to you
- They will let you down and leave you stranded

I learned this from personal experience, experience for which I later found independent confirmation online and in books.

Lying
Not only do cult members conceal much of the truth about their organisation, they will also often lie about it, brazenly and repeatedly.

I am not talking here about people on the periphery who don’t know anything so pass on wrong information in all good faith, nor am I talking about members who are so confused and in such a terrible state that they no longer know the difference between truth and lies: I am talking about people who lie knowingly and deliberately.

They will lie about their beliefs and practices and procedures inside the organisation, denying for example that members are obliged to hand over their earnings and take part in auditing sessions where they are forced to give sensitive personal information and confess to misdeeds. 

They will dismiss allegations made against the cult, saying that they come from liars, enemies and traitors. 

They will brazenly lie about where donated money is going, saying for example that it will help children when much of it really goes to buy support from politicians and pay the travelling expenses of a rent-a-crowd mob.

They will lie about the purpose of an impending gathering, saying for example that it is entertainment when it is really political.

Leaving a cult - much easier said than done

“Why don’t they just leave when they find out what they have got into?”

It is much easier to ask why people don’t just leave when they learn what happens behind the scenes in a cult or cult-like organisation than it is to find acceptable and comprehensible answers. It is not easy for outsiders to understand the external pressures and techniques and internal thought processes that keep people inside.

The best sources of answers and explanations are ex-members. They are the ones with the excruciatingly painful personal experience of cult life, and some of them may be able to explain what was going on in their minds and in their lives in terms that ‘civilians’ can understand.

The deeper in that people go, the worse life often gets but the harder it is for them to get out. I am not talking about people on the fringes and in the outer circles who may wander in then drift away or drop out: I am talking about long-term, hard-core members.

I am also mainly talking about people who might think about leaving, not those few who genuinely feel at home in their organisation or the large number of unfortunates who have lost all sense of self and self-preservation.

People are discouraged and prevented from leaving

The message given, overtly or covertly, to many cult members is, “Don’t you dare leave, you traitor. It will be much the worse for you if you do!”

Cults make it difficult for members to leave in as many practical, guilt and fear-based and emotional blackmailing ways as possible. They use manipulation,  intimidation and coercion to keep dissenting members in line.

Karmic retribution and sugar in the tea

A very minor incident has provided the material for an article about how the punishment sometimes fits the crime.

I visited some people a few days ago and was offered tea. When asked if I wanted any sugar in it, for some strange reason I said I would have a small spoonful. I don’t know what came over me to make me say that: I never ever take sugar with tea as I think it ruins the taste. I drank it without much enjoyment.

When something unpleasant happens, I have learned to work backwards to find the cause. There is almost always some connection between the incident and one of the items on my checklist. For example, it could be that I had been in the company of an energy vampire or had a horrible jarring shock.

It is worth making similar checks if I make a mistake or act out of character, even in very minor matters. In all cases, one possibility to consider is that I am getting back what I sent out and the chickens are coming home to roost.

By coincidence, two days earlier someone had visited me and asked for a little sugar in his tea. We were talking a lot about databases and work and I forgot to put any in; he didn’t say anything and I only realised my mistake a few hours after he had gone!

It may be a relevant factor that my resistance is very low at the moment. Not only does a tiny task seem like a huge project and a small setback like a big disaster, but a minor mistake also seems like a major crime and I feel guilty as hell. When I suddenly remembered that he had asked for sugar, my automatic reaction was, “Oh no, how awful of me to forget!”

Even in the case of very trivial incidents, it is always worth trying to find a possible cause.

Perhaps I transmitted some signal and it was picked up and interpreted as a desire to be punished for my crime! In other words, it was my reaction to what I did - or rather forgot to do - and not the crime itself that triggered the fitting punishment.

Connecting cause and effect is one thing; trying to understand the mechanics behind it all is something else.

Playing the fairy godmother game again

A recent minor incident in my life has provided some material for a small addition to a previous article.

Someone I did some work for many years ago got in touch out of the blue because he had a database-related assignment and wanted me for the job. I told him that although I no longer do that sort of work, I would mention the assignment to a colleague with the relevant background and experience.

This colleague had left his job a while back to set up a very different kind of business of his own, but he told me that if some suitable short-term freelance work came along he might be interested. He said that he wanted to keep his hand in and stay in touch with the sector, and the money would be useful too.

I put them in touch with each other, and they have come to an arrangement. They get on very well too. My friend has had some bad experiences with incompetent and unpleasant management in the past, which is why he left to work for himself. He is very happy with the people he will be working for, and says that it was obviously my recommendation that got him the work.

So I gave both sides something that they had been wishing for. They got it on a plate.

This is no big deal; finding suitable people and work via informal networks happens all the time. There are a few features that make it worth mentioning on here though. 

Some of the people in my family poisoned everything they touched. They brought misfortunes and bad luck to many of the people around them too. It is still a great relief when something happens to show that I have not only broken the evil spell but reversed it and am in general an influence for good.

After visiting the office, my colleague told me that even if he was not offered the work, he would still have met new people in the sector and had interview practice. He would be happy to just have that. This is another example of someone who attracted more by expressing gratitude and appreciation for what he already had. Not only that, but I like to feel that I am moving in what I see as the right circles i.e. with positive people.

The other point of interest is that I had been wishing and wishing that I could find a suitable project for someone else. He has been having a bad time, and a good assignment would solve many problems. So maybe the good wishes went slightly astray and affected a different person.  In the past, I have only ever seen this happen with what might be called cursing or ill-wishing.

So my first big wish for 2018 is that something good will come along for this other man.

A few words from Rudyard Kipling on his birthday

Words are one of the greatest of the unseen influences that affect our lives.

In February 1923, Rudyard Kipling gave a speech at the Annual Dinner of the Royal College of Surgeons in London. This well-known quotation comes from his address:

“I am, by calling, a dealer in words; and words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind…”

He is right. Words are a supremely powerful force that can affect people very strongly. Words help people to escape into another world.

While ‘tool’ would perhaps be a better word than ‘drug’, I remember reading that Dennis Wheatley got large numbers of letters from people in hospital who said that his books helped them to forget their pain.

Some of Kipling’s words are not so much a drug as a tonic and an inspiration:

“The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. To be your own man is a hard business. If you try it, you’ll be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.”

This quotation has been attributed to Nietzsche, but Rudyard Kipling said it at an interview in 1935.

He was right about the price for being an individual too.

The potion of poetry

In Stalky & Co., Kipling says that a book of poetry borrowed from the Headmaster’s library makes McTurk completely drunk for three days. Beetle, who is Kipling himself, reads avidly whenever he gets the chance. He disappears for days into another world while reading a book that a master threw at him; it takes some hammering on his head with a spoon and a threat to drop a pilchard down his neck to make him stop reading and bring him back down to earth!

Some people don’t use or need alcohol or other stimulants; words and the images they evoke can inflame their imaginations, induce trances and intoxicate them. Rudyard Kipling was both a recipient of and a contributor to this phenomenon.

The weaving of words

I would call Kipling a weaver of words; some of his poetry is like a spell of enchantment.

Puck's Song from Puck of Pook's Hill, which demonstrates Kipling’s love of England and English history, is a very good example of his power to create magical pictures in people’s minds.  It mentions Gramarye, which has associations with magic and occult learning.  Isle of Gramarye has been used as an alternative name for Britain.

The entire poem can be read here here. These are the final two stanzas:

Trackway and Camp and City lost,
     Salt Marsh where now is corn;
Old Wars, old Peace, old Arts that cease,
     And so was England born!

She is not any common Earth,
     Water or wood or air,
But Merlin’s Isle of Gramarye,
     Where you and I will fare.

A beautiful Christmas card

I have always been good at finding high quality items at low prices. I am not sure if it is my radar, guidance from the universe or just chance that does it, but I am always very grateful to whatever it is that helps me to find these treasures.

One day long ago I felt an inclination to go into a bookshop I was walking past. I found some beautiful cards that were reduced by 90%. I bought several packets in different designs. They were some of the best greetings cards I have ever seen, and they cost the least.

They are all gone now, but I can still look at the pictures because I scanned one of each type.

This is my favourite design from the cards I bought:

Life after leaving a cult: predictable paths people take

There is a lot of information available about cults, cult-like organisations, cult leaders and cult members and ex-members. I compiled some ideas and information myself from personal experience, ideas for which my researches found much independent confirmation. 

I made posts on a forum that no longer exists. I want to overhaul the material and put a few extracts on here, in the hope that they will be of use to someone.

I will start at the end, with a short account of what I know about people who have left one of these sinister organisations.

Groups most cult leavers fall into

Many people who leave a cult just want to recover and get on with whatever lives they can make for themselves, perhaps after telling their stories to a few people.

A few high-profile people may expose the practices and describe their experiences mainly for the money, attention and publicity. I am thinking of celebrity ex-members of organisations such as Scientology here. One of them has a TV show.

Then there are those who go into the mechanics of cult leadership and operation in great detail. They take action on an intellectual level. They do a lot of reading and research and consult a variety of sources. They want to understand what forces were at work, mainly for their own benefit. They may also hope to educate others and deter them from joining; some write very helpful books and articles. This is possibly the best option, but not everyone has the necessary resources.

Most ex-members will think that they are lucky to be out of it, but a few may feel lost and miserable and blame themselves for not being able to meet the (unrealistic) requirements and (outrageous) demands. They feel that they failed to make the grade. They feel inferior, not good enough for the elite organisation. They have let the leader and the cause down.

They have been expelled from Paradise and the gates locked behind them. They may be unable to cut their losses and move on with their lives, even when they have support, options and opportunities. They may feel even worse than they did when inside. They may be very depressed and just give up on life. Someone once explained all this to me when I asked about people who had left, but not spoken out against, a cult.