My first thought was to mention them as a
digression in an article about cult leaders, but I decided that they should
have a post of their own as they are just a by-product of the cult
investigation and belong under the label of conspiracy humour.
Tibetan tunnellers appear in Good Omens by Terry
Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.
These two geniuses have brought together two
very different topics - a conspiracy theory and a radio programme - and merged
them into something that is greater than the sum of the parts.
The conspiracy theory
There are people who believe that when
Atlantis was destroyed, some of the survivors went to Egypt as teachers and
were responsible for the building of the pyramids.
Others say that some survivors of the great flood went to Tibet, where they became secret masters. There are all kinds of bizarre and sensational conspiracy theories about this. For example, world events are secretly controlled by Tibetan monks who are black magicians and live in underground cities. One day they will emerge from their secret worldwide network of underground tunnels, take over everything and enslave us all.
The radio programme
Gardeners’ Question Time is a radio programme
in which a panel of gardening experts answer questions from the audience. The
programme started in 1947 and is still going strong. It is recorded in a
different location each week.
The original presenters had amusing names
such as Fred Loads and Bill Sowerbutts, which remind me of the loads of manure
and water butts that you find in many gardens. Current presenters include Bob Flowerdew and
Pippa Greenwood, so maybe the experts are selected mainly for their names.
Some topics are perennial.
Many generations of gardeners have wanted to
know what they can do to stop moles tunnelling under their lawns and throwing
up unsightly molehills. Many questioners have wanted to know what products are
recommended for this problem and where to get them.
The Tibetan tunnellers
Good Omens mentions some of the most
unsophisticated and outlandish conspiracy theories about Tibetans. It also
contains the authors’ special episode of Gardeners’ Question Time.
Both the original conspiracy theories and
gardening programme are funny in their own right, and they are even funnier
when combined.
Strange things happen in Good Omens. One
Fortean phenomenon involves Tibetans in saffron robes: they suddenly appear from
holes in the ground - and people’s lawns.
The episode of Gardeners’ Question Time is
recorded in a place that has been invaded by Tibetans, and an audience member
asks what to do about them. Here is an extract from the expert’s reply:
“. . . now as keen gardeners know, it goes
without sayin' that he's a cunnin' little devil, your Tibetan. Tunnelin'
straight through your begonias like it was nobody's business. A cup of tea'll
shift him, with rancid yak butter for preference - you
should be able to get some at any good gardening centre ”
This is so funny. It is a perfect parody of
the sort of answer the original Gardeners’ Question Time panel gave.
Unfortunately, every time I see a picture of
a Tibetan lama or even think of one now, the idea of a Tibetan tunneller comes
into my mind.
Did this one tunnel his way up into the
flowery meadow like the mole above?
More about Good Omens
Good Omens features Armageddon and the
Apocalypse.
It parodies the Omen films.
It is full of witty and amusing material. For
example, a snake called Crawly becomes a demon called Crowley.
It has been published in many editions with a
variety of covers.
It was made into a radio programme a few
years ago, and Bob Flowerdew and Pippa Greenwood from the real Gardeners’
Question Time appeared as gardening experts.
It is now being filmed for a TV mini-series.
Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett (RIP):
