One example comes from the life of the artist Pauline Baynes, best known for her illustrations of the Narnia books.
Her family broke up when she was five years old. She returned to the UK from India with her mother. She was sent to a convent school where she was given a hard time by strict, unsympathetic nuns because of her fantastical imagination, her unusual handmade clothes and her ability to speak Hindi.
She later learned that Rudyard Kipling, whose work she greatly admired, had as a boy been sent back from India to a place where he was treated badly. Learning that she was not alone, that she was in very good company, made her feel a little better.
Then there was Napoleon, reduced to living on crumbs of hope in exile. Anyone who knows what subsisting on remote possibilities is like might well feel a little better or even gratified when they learn that they have something in common with the great emperor.
However, putting painful experiences into the context of other people’s lives in this way can be a two-edged sword.
Positive and negative on the personal level
Learning that other people have had the same or similar painful experiences may give us a fellow feeling, bring some acceptance and ease the pain a little. We may become more sympathetic towards and understanding of people in general.
We might even learn from those other people’s experiences and get some ideas about what is best to do now, what works and what doesn’t work.
However, putting our painful experiences into the context of other people’s lives may have a negative effect.
If people with all the advantages that we never had can’t protect themselves from trouble and they end up in a terrible state, if even someone like Napoleon is reduced to living on crumbs, what hope is there for the rest of us? What is the point of even trying to improve our lives or hoping for a better deal?
What happens next?
After digesting various examples of shared incidents in the lives of others, there are three possibilities where the next step is concerned:
Devolution. Some of the people who come to understand that painful experiences are quite common may opt out and give up: if this is what real life is like, then ‘they’ can keep it! They might become very bitter and even feel that they have a licence to behave badly.
Staying put. After realising that they are not alone, some other people may stay on the new level of shared experiences, become resigned to their situation and try to make the best of things.
Evolution. A few may move onwards and upwards from the personal context level and arrive at a new level where dots are joined, patterns noticed and connections made.
One of Pauline Baynes's many beautiful illustrations for the Narnia books:
