It happened just after I had become so upset while thinking about the past and the loss of some prospects for the future that I crossed over into the danger zone. I knew very well that it is best to stay at home when feeling this way, but I wanted to get some supplies in first so went on a shopping trip. My distress signals attracted a predator and I was too overwhelmed to be able to defend myself.
As always, if I had been able to detect a potential attacker and take evasive action I wouldn’t have needed to!
I was on the return journey when someone asked me to help her lift her pushchair off the bus. I reacted automatically; I said, “Of course” and lifted one end. It was extremely heavy, and I soon realised that I had badly injured my lower back.
My life was sabotaged. It took months before I was back to normal. All my plans for the summer, including some day trips to the seaside that I was really looking forward to, had to be abandoned.
Being mostly housebound once again - this time because of the coronavirus restrictions - has brought it all back. I have been replaying this incident in my mind and think it worth recording on here, not because of new insights and more lessons learned but because there are some familiar elements and it provides further confirmation of existing theories.
Warning signals seen retrospectively
This woman asked for help. This is not usually necessary: as I have seen many times, people will offer to help get prams, shopping trolleys etc. on or off the bus without being asked.
She asked me rather than any of the other, more suitable people who were standing around.
She homed in on and spoke to me when I was feeling very under the weather and was in a strange, detached state.
She sounded sour, gloomy and disapproving. She gave me the impression of being under a cloud of negativity.
I now see her as a disconnected person. I have the idea that she was a strategically placed pawn and that this episode was no accident.
