The first article in this series describes what can happen when people go from looking at their painful experiences in isolation to putting them into the context of other, often well-known, people's lives.
Some people react negatively and some positively when they learn that somebody famous suffered in a similar way.
Napoleon Bonaparte's living on crumbs of hope is a good example: while negative, glass half empty, people may feel worse when they realise that not even an emperor is safe from being reduced to this, positive people may feel better when they realise that this great man also experienced a lack of options for the future.
This article has something further to say about the positive reactions that some people have when they first discover that that they are in good company.
People who feel better may have previously felt alone in their suffering; they may feel gratified when they learn that they have something in common with a famous person.
They may have had erroneous assumptions, that fame and fortune, power and position and certain personal attributes offer protection from many unpleasant experiences for example, and evolve mentally when shown to be wrong.
A positive example from my own experience involved someone who was being targetted with unkind and belittling remarks by some hostile people he worked with.
I told him about Princess Margaret, whose husband Lord Snowdon belittled her in public and left spiteful little notes in various places such as her desk and glove drawer. One of them started, “Twenty four reasons why I hate you”!
He is reported to have worn a brown paper bag over his head when they attended a private dinner party in London. When the Princess eventually asked him why he was doing it he replied, “Because I can't stand the ****ing sight of you!”
Lord Snowdon criticised Princess Margaret's appearance and her taste in clothes too. After she had appeared in public wearing an unflattering dress in an unattractive shade of blue that looked rather like an overall, Lord Snowdon left a her a note that said, “You look like a Jewish manicurist and I hate you.”
This man became very thoughtful after hearing these anecdotes: he had never dreamed that he would have something in common with or fellow feelings for a king's daughter. It was obvious that he really welcomed the information, and it was a big step up for him to be able to feel pity for someone so apparently privileged. He realised that she got much worse in the way of insults than he did!
Princess Margaret and Lord Snowdon having an argument:
Another example involved a colleague whose wife left him despite all his efforts to keep her. He played his trump card when he took her to the Swiss lakes for her dream holiday, but even this, his final attempt to get her to stay, didn’t work.
He felt very bad until I told him the story of Diana Mitford, who was married to the poet, novelist and brewing heir Bryan Walter Guinness, 2nd Baron Moyne, a very rich man with many desirable personal attributes. She grew bored with him after meeting Sir Oswald Mosley in 1932; she soon decided to leave her marriage for the fascist leader even though he said he wouldn't be able to marry her.
Lord Moyne made great efforts to keep her. He played his trump card when he offered her a holiday in China, a place almost as exotic as the moon in those days. That didn’t work either.
After hearing this, my friend felt a little better. He realised that there was nothing he could have said or done that would have made any difference. He had believed that his wife might have stayed if he had more money, but he learned that even this is no guarantee. He realised that not only was he not alone in his suffering, he was in very good company: he had had the same idea as an aristocrat and been equally unsuccessful.
Diana Mitford and her husband Lord Moyne before she left him:
It is probably in the best interests of many people to remain on the personal level. They benefit from putting some experiences into the context of other people's, but there is no need for them to look at the total picture.
Both of the people mentioned above stayed on the context level; they let the past go and got on with their lives. It was enough for them to realise that these things happen, and to all kinds of people; there was no good reason for them to go any further.
